8 years ago
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
on pain, politics, and disposability...
a good friend of mine asked me a very pervasive question today. 'Where does the pain go?,' he probed. I was frozen, dead in my winter fearing tracks. Typically prepared, always with an answer, I was stunned to try and forge an answer to a question i have long forgotten to answer. Where does the pain go?
pain.
got an answer yet? where does the pain go? i quickly think of my typical muses in times like this. guitar strings, drumsticks, pens and notebooks, headphones, blank stares or a camera lens. we've all become very good at channeling our pain into inanimate objects, but when asked straight up i suddenly doubted that those pain-carrying vessels had been rightly classified. in that moment, i felt the pain. the pain of the past two months. the pain of a struggle that reveals itself on so many levels. what kind of man cannot provide for his family? you quit your job without a job lined up? you're spending your time looking for jobs? online? your wife still supports you? you're a barista now? maybe i am over-analyzing this situation but i want to get to the real truth about pain. the fact that so many of us somehow get rid of it on a superficial or temporary level, but what of the real feelings and questions we have. can we be whole? where is pain supposed to go? is there an easy answer?
the truth of the matter is just this. we all have pain. hiding pain is no sign of strength. pretending you're okay only prolongs the truth that you are probably not okay. and we have to be okay with not being okay. okay?
what do i mean here? you have to do wtih pain what you would do with any other wound. you have to clean up the blood, repair the skin, shed a tear, use choice words and let it heal. emotive pain is no different. life.is.not.easy. but life is not meant to be live like a pressure cooker. life is meant to be loved, lived and healed. find a living, breathing outlet for your pain. find another wounded healer to share with. ask people questions and listen to their answers. find out what is really going on, how they really are. listen to people you meet on the streets. look in their eyes and heal them with a smile or an open door.
a few of my friends and i would have scream-fests in the illinois cornfields back in my more angry days. an observer of these events would be confused at the mixed messages being sent up in the heavens each night...words of pain and emotion, screams of joy and thanks...a crying out for reality. this is who we are. right now. thankful. pissed. and letting someone know about it. sounds odd, as if some sort of alcohol was involved...but healthy for us. everything feels better once you've said it, out there for the world to know...and at least, for once, off your shoulders and onto One's who can.
on the popularity of president elect Barack Obama.
i watched my television screen broadcast the events of November 4, 2008, a day that will inevitably go down in many histories, wondering what sort of election we were actually having. one can make a passing argument that elections are mere popularity contests, everything from class president in 8th grade (which you lost to Lance because he made a video) to the election of our nation's leaders and policymakers. part of this is true. popularity is part of what makes a candidate electable. but i digress. watching people spontaneously erupt into tears, shout for joy, dance and fill the streets over the outcome of 'the most important election of our time' was sort of detached for me. like Barack Obama is some sort of rock star or celebrity like the Beatles. Granted, history was made and this man resembles hope for change in so many ways. so many walls were knocked down last night, but i was just so surprised at the reaction we heard (please don't take this to mean that i am downplaying any of the cultural and racial significance of this amazing accomplishment in American History, and what it means for non-indigenous Americans). heck, i even found myself getting a little misty when Obama was talking about his grandmother last night. i don't know if i want to draw any conclusions on these thoughts, but to just put them out there and see if this resounds with anyone else.
for many it seemed like they were die hard fans and Obama-nation had just won the world series after being down 3 games-0. maybe it was because he made us feel a part of something big, a revolution of sorts. a charge to the status quo. a movement for the people, and by the people. did we shout and cry because he won, or because we won? did we glue ourselves to the television because we want something different...real, actual change with prosperity and the hope of america actually becoming a respected nation again, full of truth, opportunity and dignity? i think you know the answer and, despite the pandemonium in grant park last night, the thrill of the campaign will wear off...the feeling of that little black box taking your ballot will not last. what i hope for in this country that i saw go crazy for Obama last night is that people stick to it. Obama is not the Messiah alone. Jesus couldn't change the world on his own, without help...without people sticking it out after the lights fade and the park is empty. my hope is that people will stay involved and look toward actively fighting for what is right and what needs to happen in our country and our community. Obama has great power to change the course of the country, our community and the world. i hope we keep perspective on him as only a man...and hope that he never wears leather pants like Bono or gets a bowl cut like Ringo...
Yes we can.
Just for the sake of indulging to a new topic...I began reading Garbage Land by Elizabeth Royte tonight. The book is a memoir on the trail of trash that follows from our cans to the landfills, and supposedly uncovers the secret life of rubbish. She writes from the perspective of a inquisitive Brooklyn resident who gets the dirt on what happens to her, and millions of other New Yorkers', trash each week. It is said in this book that the average New Yorker wastes 6.7 pounds of material per day (America, 4.4 pounds per day). so far it is a compelling look into the life of our waste. where does the trash go after the garbage fairy (i'm sure they would love that title) comes to take it each week? how have we reduced our lives to everything being so disposable. 'there is more where that came from', 'oh, just toss it', 'it's garbage night...throw out the leftovers'. and in the morning you wake up and your waste is someone else's' problem. without a second thought. gone. myself included. such a strange state to say in my head, 'this took 12 hours to plant, 6 months to grow, 72 hours to travel, 2 hours to make, 4 hours to cool, 1 hour to package, 48 hours to the shelf, 1 hour to buy, 60 seconds to cook, 9 seconds to devour and 1 second to say that i've had enough (though there is still 5-6 bites left) and throw it out'. and i'll never think about it again. disposable. a new word to us in the 20th century (and the 21st). people used to save everything. they used to repair clothes, reuse food, reuse paper and generate little waste. and we (America specifically, generating about one third of the world's waste with only about 4% of the world population) average 130 pounds of wasted food, just food, per person per year. have we progressed? have we evolved? really? i'm aware of the facts, we have so many people and times are different...i'm just stating some facts from my reading and appalled at how easily i waste and dispose. we have a part to play. read the book if your interested.
pain.
got an answer yet? where does the pain go? i quickly think of my typical muses in times like this. guitar strings, drumsticks, pens and notebooks, headphones, blank stares or a camera lens. we've all become very good at channeling our pain into inanimate objects, but when asked straight up i suddenly doubted that those pain-carrying vessels had been rightly classified. in that moment, i felt the pain. the pain of the past two months. the pain of a struggle that reveals itself on so many levels. what kind of man cannot provide for his family? you quit your job without a job lined up? you're spending your time looking for jobs? online? your wife still supports you? you're a barista now? maybe i am over-analyzing this situation but i want to get to the real truth about pain. the fact that so many of us somehow get rid of it on a superficial or temporary level, but what of the real feelings and questions we have. can we be whole? where is pain supposed to go? is there an easy answer?
the truth of the matter is just this. we all have pain. hiding pain is no sign of strength. pretending you're okay only prolongs the truth that you are probably not okay. and we have to be okay with not being okay. okay?
what do i mean here? you have to do wtih pain what you would do with any other wound. you have to clean up the blood, repair the skin, shed a tear, use choice words and let it heal. emotive pain is no different. life.is.not.easy. but life is not meant to be live like a pressure cooker. life is meant to be loved, lived and healed. find a living, breathing outlet for your pain. find another wounded healer to share with. ask people questions and listen to their answers. find out what is really going on, how they really are. listen to people you meet on the streets. look in their eyes and heal them with a smile or an open door.
a few of my friends and i would have scream-fests in the illinois cornfields back in my more angry days. an observer of these events would be confused at the mixed messages being sent up in the heavens each night...words of pain and emotion, screams of joy and thanks...a crying out for reality. this is who we are. right now. thankful. pissed. and letting someone know about it. sounds odd, as if some sort of alcohol was involved...but healthy for us. everything feels better once you've said it, out there for the world to know...and at least, for once, off your shoulders and onto One's who can.
on the popularity of president elect Barack Obama.
i watched my television screen broadcast the events of November 4, 2008, a day that will inevitably go down in many histories, wondering what sort of election we were actually having. one can make a passing argument that elections are mere popularity contests, everything from class president in 8th grade (which you lost to Lance because he made a video) to the election of our nation's leaders and policymakers. part of this is true. popularity is part of what makes a candidate electable. but i digress. watching people spontaneously erupt into tears, shout for joy, dance and fill the streets over the outcome of 'the most important election of our time' was sort of detached for me. like Barack Obama is some sort of rock star or celebrity like the Beatles. Granted, history was made and this man resembles hope for change in so many ways. so many walls were knocked down last night, but i was just so surprised at the reaction we heard (please don't take this to mean that i am downplaying any of the cultural and racial significance of this amazing accomplishment in American History, and what it means for non-indigenous Americans). heck, i even found myself getting a little misty when Obama was talking about his grandmother last night. i don't know if i want to draw any conclusions on these thoughts, but to just put them out there and see if this resounds with anyone else.
for many it seemed like they were die hard fans and Obama-nation had just won the world series after being down 3 games-0. maybe it was because he made us feel a part of something big, a revolution of sorts. a charge to the status quo. a movement for the people, and by the people. did we shout and cry because he won, or because we won? did we glue ourselves to the television because we want something different...real, actual change with prosperity and the hope of america actually becoming a respected nation again, full of truth, opportunity and dignity? i think you know the answer and, despite the pandemonium in grant park last night, the thrill of the campaign will wear off...the feeling of that little black box taking your ballot will not last. what i hope for in this country that i saw go crazy for Obama last night is that people stick to it. Obama is not the Messiah alone. Jesus couldn't change the world on his own, without help...without people sticking it out after the lights fade and the park is empty. my hope is that people will stay involved and look toward actively fighting for what is right and what needs to happen in our country and our community. Obama has great power to change the course of the country, our community and the world. i hope we keep perspective on him as only a man...and hope that he never wears leather pants like Bono or gets a bowl cut like Ringo...
Yes we can.
Just for the sake of indulging to a new topic...I began reading Garbage Land by Elizabeth Royte tonight. The book is a memoir on the trail of trash that follows from our cans to the landfills, and supposedly uncovers the secret life of rubbish. She writes from the perspective of a inquisitive Brooklyn resident who gets the dirt on what happens to her, and millions of other New Yorkers', trash each week. It is said in this book that the average New Yorker wastes 6.7 pounds of material per day (America, 4.4 pounds per day). so far it is a compelling look into the life of our waste. where does the trash go after the garbage fairy (i'm sure they would love that title) comes to take it each week? how have we reduced our lives to everything being so disposable. 'there is more where that came from', 'oh, just toss it', 'it's garbage night...throw out the leftovers'. and in the morning you wake up and your waste is someone else's' problem. without a second thought. gone. myself included. such a strange state to say in my head, 'this took 12 hours to plant, 6 months to grow, 72 hours to travel, 2 hours to make, 4 hours to cool, 1 hour to package, 48 hours to the shelf, 1 hour to buy, 60 seconds to cook, 9 seconds to devour and 1 second to say that i've had enough (though there is still 5-6 bites left) and throw it out'. and i'll never think about it again. disposable. a new word to us in the 20th century (and the 21st). people used to save everything. they used to repair clothes, reuse food, reuse paper and generate little waste. and we (America specifically, generating about one third of the world's waste with only about 4% of the world population) average 130 pounds of wasted food, just food, per person per year. have we progressed? have we evolved? really? i'm aware of the facts, we have so many people and times are different...i'm just stating some facts from my reading and appalled at how easily i waste and dispose. we have a part to play. read the book if your interested.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Laughing Time
The Light Hearted Break of the Day.
Watch Bert Rock The Beat
And Ernie Blaze the Horns.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
or 28 days at a time...
my friends. (i sound like John McCain...and the thought of hearing that for four years is just about enough for me not to vote for him...) i use that phrase an awful lot and I hope it never comes across without endearment...because you truly are my friends and I truly am thinking of you.
i've been all about updating this blog and telling you all of the things that have been happening during my unemployment malarkey. however, i remain busy and thoughtless about my little internet spill canvas. but the days, they have been glory. i've been looking for autumn lately, and you'd be a fool not to be yourself. i got to enjoy some time a a local orchard with friends on friday evening, walking the tree lines, watching the sun go down, picking apples and sharing together. not a bad picture. and with apples, come things like apple crisp, apple pie, apple cookies, apple salad and apple butter, all of which have been gracing my table for a few weeks now. the leaves around my neighborhood are peaking...bright reds and yellows, oranges and bright greens...but mostly this year i've been taken by the dull orangeish brown hues of the big oak trees at newell park. it's as if their color is stuck and preserved in some beautiful quilt or something that your grandmother would make on the second floor of a dusty old farm house in a rocking chair staring at the sunset (how's that for a simile). but i've begun to really be seeing those pale hues, the bright browns and tans, the dull orange and purpley reds. my how color sets the moods of the seasons.
on to more important things...the contents of my unemployment. yipee! last week i interviewed with the Minnesota Conservation Corps for a job working with students in St. Paul who sign up to do service projects around the city and learn about conservation in a 'family-type' setting. it is a fabulous sounding job and i hope to hear back from them sometime this week. other than that, i have applications out to st. paul public schools to be a teacher's assistant, i've applied at a few local restaurants and i'm beginning to consider starbucks as a sort of last resort option for the time being. more on these later...soon this blog will change it's name, i know it...and if you don't know it, pray for it. thank you.
i felt something big when i clicked on the shiny new post button on the computer screen...in all reality, i've been feeling something big for a few weeks now. as i sit and read, search the world for jobs, think about my self and my 'qualifications', watch the financial systems of the greatest force for good in the world fall apart, hear women talk politics on the view with my wife and many other things...i've been constantly thinking about life...what's important, what's not...what i take for granted. and though times have been pretty awfully frustrating, i've been able to gain some perspective. i hope.
one of the most important things i continue to learn is the importance of staying connected with people...i've known a lot of people in my 25 years...some i've left a good impression on, and others i sure wish i could go back and change a few things. but that to the side, people are so important. for me, they're the basis of this strange word church. i've been wrestling with frank viola's book 'pagan christianity', and i recommend it to just about anyone. i've gone through his chapters on everything from the church building, the pastor, paying clergy and the tithe, baptism and communion and even the worship service order or praise team. it's a remarkable book with a lot of truth that centers on the fact that the people you know are your church...instead of the program-stuffed million dollar buildings that we think of when we hear 'church'. i keep agreeing with viola...i've never felt right about being paid as a 'minister' because i'm pretty sure if we would all just give this thing a little bit more we wouldn't need 'minister's who study and interpret and drive the flock, so to speak. it seems like church should be active, for all who want to be involved...but i'm straying from the point here. viola has a lot of good things to say about where church came from and what church should be...but i'm beginning to anticipate the end because i keep finding myself saying 'okay this is true...but what are we supposed to do instead'...just read the book, terribly interesting.
i've been spending a lot of extra time on photoshop, developing some photos that i've taken across the years and making a sort of portfolio from the past...at least the past 5 years or so. i'm doctoring up a few and letting the rest speak for themselves...you can see them here:
Ryan's getting better...
thanks for reading.
just pray, that's about all i can ask, or send money.
spinning: you are my sunshine by copeland
flipping: twinkie, deconstructed by Steve Ettlinger
i've been all about updating this blog and telling you all of the things that have been happening during my unemployment malarkey. however, i remain busy and thoughtless about my little internet spill canvas. but the days, they have been glory. i've been looking for autumn lately, and you'd be a fool not to be yourself. i got to enjoy some time a a local orchard with friends on friday evening, walking the tree lines, watching the sun go down, picking apples and sharing together. not a bad picture. and with apples, come things like apple crisp, apple pie, apple cookies, apple salad and apple butter, all of which have been gracing my table for a few weeks now. the leaves around my neighborhood are peaking...bright reds and yellows, oranges and bright greens...but mostly this year i've been taken by the dull orangeish brown hues of the big oak trees at newell park. it's as if their color is stuck and preserved in some beautiful quilt or something that your grandmother would make on the second floor of a dusty old farm house in a rocking chair staring at the sunset (how's that for a simile). but i've begun to really be seeing those pale hues, the bright browns and tans, the dull orange and purpley reds. my how color sets the moods of the seasons.
on to more important things...the contents of my unemployment. yipee! last week i interviewed with the Minnesota Conservation Corps for a job working with students in St. Paul who sign up to do service projects around the city and learn about conservation in a 'family-type' setting. it is a fabulous sounding job and i hope to hear back from them sometime this week. other than that, i have applications out to st. paul public schools to be a teacher's assistant, i've applied at a few local restaurants and i'm beginning to consider starbucks as a sort of last resort option for the time being. more on these later...soon this blog will change it's name, i know it...and if you don't know it, pray for it. thank you.
i felt something big when i clicked on the shiny new post button on the computer screen...in all reality, i've been feeling something big for a few weeks now. as i sit and read, search the world for jobs, think about my self and my 'qualifications', watch the financial systems of the greatest force for good in the world fall apart, hear women talk politics on the view with my wife and many other things...i've been constantly thinking about life...what's important, what's not...what i take for granted. and though times have been pretty awfully frustrating, i've been able to gain some perspective. i hope.
one of the most important things i continue to learn is the importance of staying connected with people...i've known a lot of people in my 25 years...some i've left a good impression on, and others i sure wish i could go back and change a few things. but that to the side, people are so important. for me, they're the basis of this strange word church. i've been wrestling with frank viola's book 'pagan christianity', and i recommend it to just about anyone. i've gone through his chapters on everything from the church building, the pastor, paying clergy and the tithe, baptism and communion and even the worship service order or praise team. it's a remarkable book with a lot of truth that centers on the fact that the people you know are your church...instead of the program-stuffed million dollar buildings that we think of when we hear 'church'. i keep agreeing with viola...i've never felt right about being paid as a 'minister' because i'm pretty sure if we would all just give this thing a little bit more we wouldn't need 'minister's who study and interpret and drive the flock, so to speak. it seems like church should be active, for all who want to be involved...but i'm straying from the point here. viola has a lot of good things to say about where church came from and what church should be...but i'm beginning to anticipate the end because i keep finding myself saying 'okay this is true...but what are we supposed to do instead'...just read the book, terribly interesting.
i've been spending a lot of extra time on photoshop, developing some photos that i've taken across the years and making a sort of portfolio from the past...at least the past 5 years or so. i'm doctoring up a few and letting the rest speak for themselves...you can see them here:
Ryan's getting better...
thanks for reading.
just pray, that's about all i can ask, or send money.
spinning: you are my sunshine by copeland
flipping: twinkie, deconstructed by Steve Ettlinger
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
One day at a time...
my song of the moment goes something like this...
The ribs of the umbrella
Have fallen apart;
The paper is also torn,
But with bamboo
Tied together.
Do not throw it away.
Though I
Also am torn,
Don't desert me.
this song, Kasa no Hone, by Anathallo is actually sung in Japanese and is a whimsical five minute melody that brings you from life to death through peace and back to joy all at once. It makes me feel like dancing and crying at the same time...what do you think about that? But it has such a strong message of hope and the human condition...and sung fervently by the boys in anathallo just bring it home. there are a few songs in this world that i could listen to over and over hundreds of times and never get tired of them. You wonder what they are? Even if you don't...they are:
"Steps and Numbers" - The Appleseed Cast
"Brennivin" - The Album Leaf
"Untitled #4" - From the () Sigur Ros Album
"Sweet Afton" - Nickelcreek
"Holland" - Sufjan Stevens
"Just Watch the Fireworks" - Jimmy Eat World
"Rooms and Gardens" - The Appleseed Cast
"Caves" - Jack's Mannequin
"He Woke Me Up Again" - Sufjan Stevens
"Poetry and Airplanes" - Teitur
"Coming to Life" - The Normals
"Early in the Morning" - Andrew Osenga
"These Times" - The Normals
"Konstantine" - Something Corporate
"If you don't, don't" - Jimmy Eat World
...and I'm sure the list could go on all night...I wonder what song you could listen to forever?
Life. Has been good lately. As far as the life of an unemployed job seeker looking for a change and worrying constantly that it won't come. I know that I have to rest in the fact that something is coming...but as I search, it seems to get darker...a good man once said that the search into the depths of yourself more often than not turns into utter darkness. Hear me right, not a bad darkness, but a darkness each of us would often rather forget is actually there. All this to say I have been enjoying the time that I've been given...and I'm trying to make the best of it.
I cleaned out the garage today, had a good chat with my neighbors, washed and cleaned the car, emailed a few friends, talked to my Dad who is nearing recovery every day, enjoyed my dog, made some scones, walked around downtown minneapolis, remembered how beautiful my wife was, prayed for strength and clarity, enjoyed the new jack's mannequin cd, watched the sunset and many other harmonious things you can pack into a day.
Currently I have applied for about 5 jobs that I'm actually looking forward to hearing about.
I've applied to be an aid in both the Minneapolis and St. Paul Public school systems, which sounds like a neat way to get in a the classroom and help out...I've applied to be a bike delivery guy for Peace Coffee, which means riding my bike around the Twin Cities with a trailer full of coffee and enduring the excellent conditions of the Minnesota seasons full-time. I've applied for a few non-profit volunteer coordinator positions around the Metro, which would be sweet to actually get to use some of the YouthWorks talents I have. I've also applied to be the program director for a new Minnesota Conservation Corp Youth Outdoors program which just basically promotes service to Twin Cities youth through the public school system. This is probably the one that I am most excited about the opportunities involved. Two observations, I need a new word other than which and it's weird to let the world in on my job prospects.
Is anyone else sick if political ads on TV saying all kinds of different things about our potential presidents Barack Obama and Sarah Pa...crap John McCain. I think advertising and the truth are very important to this election, but could how is the general public to delineate when they are presented as equal. I'm just tired of hearing an ad say something drastic and dramatic only to see the media hype it up and the candidate claim it as an untruth. It makes me hope that no one really gives those ads two cents worth of time...and it makes me hope that the general public would go out and educate themselves and make a conscious choice based on their own minds.
In other news...Siri and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary on Monday. We went up north to Silver Bay and stayed in a friends house...enjoyed some local fare, hiked with our extreme dog Remy, climbed big rocks and played in the rain. We also watched Harry Potter and Baby Mama (actually not a bad movie, better than expected). It rained from about noon on Saturday until Sunday night so a few of our plans were dampened, but all in all an excellent weekend. We also got to celebrate with some of our favorite local Metro foods, like Maria's for a late breakfast (two words: corn pancake)...DQ for an ice cream cake...and Chipotle for a budget-friendly split burrito bowl with three salsa's and excellent company! An excellent culmination of a beautiful and indelible first year. Marriage, not what I expected...but definitely what I signed up for.
A short baking update before I make my exit...I'm sure you're all very interested in this part, but my muse has been my kitchen through these times of unemployment...so, from my kitchen:
-Peach/Blueberry Scones
-Maple Banana Scones
-Banana-Zucchini Bread
-Brownies
-Pillow Bread (kind of a cross between sweet bread and cornbread...wow good with soup)
-Banana Bran Muffins
-Zucchini Bread
-Chocolate Layer Cake
There's probably been more...anyone want to give me capital to start a bakery...thanks.
Questions of the day for you to pine over:
Rome or London?
Running Shoes, Pen, Headphones?
Mac or PC?
Favorite Breakfast item?
Why do mother's wait to get to WalMart to beat their children?
Wow...
Currently reading: "Pagan Christianity" by Frank Viola/George Barna
Currently Spinning: "The Glass Passenger" by Jack's Mannequin
The ribs of the umbrella
Have fallen apart;
The paper is also torn,
But with bamboo
Tied together.
Do not throw it away.
Though I
Also am torn,
Don't desert me.
this song, Kasa no Hone, by Anathallo is actually sung in Japanese and is a whimsical five minute melody that brings you from life to death through peace and back to joy all at once. It makes me feel like dancing and crying at the same time...what do you think about that? But it has such a strong message of hope and the human condition...and sung fervently by the boys in anathallo just bring it home. there are a few songs in this world that i could listen to over and over hundreds of times and never get tired of them. You wonder what they are? Even if you don't...they are:
"Steps and Numbers" - The Appleseed Cast
"Brennivin" - The Album Leaf
"Untitled #4" - From the () Sigur Ros Album
"Sweet Afton" - Nickelcreek
"Holland" - Sufjan Stevens
"Just Watch the Fireworks" - Jimmy Eat World
"Rooms and Gardens" - The Appleseed Cast
"Caves" - Jack's Mannequin
"He Woke Me Up Again" - Sufjan Stevens
"Poetry and Airplanes" - Teitur
"Coming to Life" - The Normals
"Early in the Morning" - Andrew Osenga
"These Times" - The Normals
"Konstantine" - Something Corporate
"If you don't, don't" - Jimmy Eat World
...and I'm sure the list could go on all night...I wonder what song you could listen to forever?
Life. Has been good lately. As far as the life of an unemployed job seeker looking for a change and worrying constantly that it won't come. I know that I have to rest in the fact that something is coming...but as I search, it seems to get darker...a good man once said that the search into the depths of yourself more often than not turns into utter darkness. Hear me right, not a bad darkness, but a darkness each of us would often rather forget is actually there. All this to say I have been enjoying the time that I've been given...and I'm trying to make the best of it.
I cleaned out the garage today, had a good chat with my neighbors, washed and cleaned the car, emailed a few friends, talked to my Dad who is nearing recovery every day, enjoyed my dog, made some scones, walked around downtown minneapolis, remembered how beautiful my wife was, prayed for strength and clarity, enjoyed the new jack's mannequin cd, watched the sunset and many other harmonious things you can pack into a day.
Currently I have applied for about 5 jobs that I'm actually looking forward to hearing about.
I've applied to be an aid in both the Minneapolis and St. Paul Public school systems, which sounds like a neat way to get in a the classroom and help out...I've applied to be a bike delivery guy for Peace Coffee, which means riding my bike around the Twin Cities with a trailer full of coffee and enduring the excellent conditions of the Minnesota seasons full-time. I've applied for a few non-profit volunteer coordinator positions around the Metro, which would be sweet to actually get to use some of the YouthWorks talents I have. I've also applied to be the program director for a new Minnesota Conservation Corp Youth Outdoors program which just basically promotes service to Twin Cities youth through the public school system. This is probably the one that I am most excited about the opportunities involved. Two observations, I need a new word other than which and it's weird to let the world in on my job prospects.
Is anyone else sick if political ads on TV saying all kinds of different things about our potential presidents Barack Obama and Sarah Pa...crap John McCain. I think advertising and the truth are very important to this election, but could how is the general public to delineate when they are presented as equal. I'm just tired of hearing an ad say something drastic and dramatic only to see the media hype it up and the candidate claim it as an untruth. It makes me hope that no one really gives those ads two cents worth of time...and it makes me hope that the general public would go out and educate themselves and make a conscious choice based on their own minds.
In other news...Siri and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary on Monday. We went up north to Silver Bay and stayed in a friends house...enjoyed some local fare, hiked with our extreme dog Remy, climbed big rocks and played in the rain. We also watched Harry Potter and Baby Mama (actually not a bad movie, better than expected). It rained from about noon on Saturday until Sunday night so a few of our plans were dampened, but all in all an excellent weekend. We also got to celebrate with some of our favorite local Metro foods, like Maria's for a late breakfast (two words: corn pancake)...DQ for an ice cream cake...and Chipotle for a budget-friendly split burrito bowl with three salsa's and excellent company! An excellent culmination of a beautiful and indelible first year. Marriage, not what I expected...but definitely what I signed up for.
A short baking update before I make my exit...I'm sure you're all very interested in this part, but my muse has been my kitchen through these times of unemployment...so, from my kitchen:
-Peach/Blueberry Scones
-Maple Banana Scones
-Banana-Zucchini Bread
-Brownies
-Pillow Bread (kind of a cross between sweet bread and cornbread...wow good with soup)
-Banana Bran Muffins
-Zucchini Bread
-Chocolate Layer Cake
There's probably been more...anyone want to give me capital to start a bakery...thanks.
Questions of the day for you to pine over:
Rome or London?
Running Shoes, Pen, Headphones?
Mac or PC?
Favorite Breakfast item?
Why do mother's wait to get to WalMart to beat their children?
Wow...
Currently reading: "Pagan Christianity" by Frank Viola/George Barna
Currently Spinning: "The Glass Passenger" by Jack's Mannequin
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Alright...another enthralling edition of my good ole bloggy blog.
I must say that I have thus far appreciated Jake's comment the most. I stand corrected.
Wanted to update you on what a typical day may look like as an unemployed male.
The most important of which includes two things. baking. and my dog.
I want to discuss with you the complexities I have continued to learn about concerning the use of whole wheat flours as it relates to creating bread from scratch. I have two test loaves here to prove the grand expanse of time I have been using to test two theories about whole wheat baking.
bread (a) bread (b)
note the grave changes between a and b. These are identical recipes...different shaped loaves...but still such different results. The only main difference was the amount of whole wheat flour being 1/2 cup greater in loaf (a), creating a much denser and less vibrant loaf. while loaf (b) was created with mainly white bread flour and has a much more full texture, more rise, and greater crumb quality...what depth of change here. (see how the mind can wander). I merely want to prove that their is no real way to make a normal french bread type loaf 'healthier' by adding at least half of the amount of flour as whole wheat. It just does not work. French bread by nature is meant to be sticky and full, with depth and a solid crust. This was not truly accomplished in either loaf...with more or less whole wheat...you just need to realize that adding whole wheat flour to something does not make it instantly healthy or a super food...nor can it adequately be substituted regularly and without abandon in most recipes.
Onto bigger and better things...my dog.
I want to give you a little expose' on my dog, remy. He is a piebald Boston Terrier. He is just about 5 months old...and provides the ultimate in companionship for my troubles when I am at home, full of self-reflection and searching for a purpose in life. Remy is the kind of dog who is there no matter what you need him for. You need a little guy to lay down beside you (or perhaps on you, more of the truth)...he's there. You need a little love in the form of excessive licking...he's there. You need a swift jog around the neighborhood...He's in. Seriously, this Dog is amazing! He's been everywhere with us...camping, hiking (up to like 5 miles without being tired!), sleeping, eating, playing...he's got such an even keel I can't get over it. My wife knew what she was doing when she invited this little canine into our lives. I want to give you two little excerpts from our latest installment of Remy shots.
here we caught him trying to be artsy...what a guy.
...and here he is, leading the pack as usual and looking distinguished as ever on the st. croix.
now it would be heinous of to leave this rare footage out...as we are talking about our dog and how he is just the man of the hour. I have to put this video up for all of you to enjoy...but let me warn you, it may be a little risky and only for ages 14+. Please don't think we're weird or we do this to our dog all the time...we were just having some fun...Just a disclaimer...
okay so i'll give this a day or so and see if people think this is appropriate...yikes.
I must say that I have thus far appreciated Jake's comment the most. I stand corrected.
Wanted to update you on what a typical day may look like as an unemployed male.
The most important of which includes two things. baking. and my dog.
I want to discuss with you the complexities I have continued to learn about concerning the use of whole wheat flours as it relates to creating bread from scratch. I have two test loaves here to prove the grand expanse of time I have been using to test two theories about whole wheat baking.
bread (a) bread (b)
note the grave changes between a and b. These are identical recipes...different shaped loaves...but still such different results. The only main difference was the amount of whole wheat flour being 1/2 cup greater in loaf (a), creating a much denser and less vibrant loaf. while loaf (b) was created with mainly white bread flour and has a much more full texture, more rise, and greater crumb quality...what depth of change here. (see how the mind can wander). I merely want to prove that their is no real way to make a normal french bread type loaf 'healthier' by adding at least half of the amount of flour as whole wheat. It just does not work. French bread by nature is meant to be sticky and full, with depth and a solid crust. This was not truly accomplished in either loaf...with more or less whole wheat...you just need to realize that adding whole wheat flour to something does not make it instantly healthy or a super food...nor can it adequately be substituted regularly and without abandon in most recipes.
Onto bigger and better things...my dog.
I want to give you a little expose' on my dog, remy. He is a piebald Boston Terrier. He is just about 5 months old...and provides the ultimate in companionship for my troubles when I am at home, full of self-reflection and searching for a purpose in life. Remy is the kind of dog who is there no matter what you need him for. You need a little guy to lay down beside you (or perhaps on you, more of the truth)...he's there. You need a little love in the form of excessive licking...he's there. You need a swift jog around the neighborhood...He's in. Seriously, this Dog is amazing! He's been everywhere with us...camping, hiking (up to like 5 miles without being tired!), sleeping, eating, playing...he's got such an even keel I can't get over it. My wife knew what she was doing when she invited this little canine into our lives. I want to give you two little excerpts from our latest installment of Remy shots.
here we caught him trying to be artsy...what a guy....and here he is, leading the pack as usual and looking distinguished as ever on the st. croix.
now it would be heinous of to leave this rare footage out...as we are talking about our dog and how he is just the man of the hour. I have to put this video up for all of you to enjoy...but let me warn you, it may be a little risky and only for ages 14+. Please don't think we're weird or we do this to our dog all the time...we were just having some fun...Just a disclaimer...
okay so i'll give this a day or so and see if people think this is appropriate...yikes.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Fields of possibility...
To show you the great extent of my tireless search for work in the last three weeks, I'm going to list a few of the ideas that have drifted in and out of my melon...It's easy, you just tell me what you think sounds the best or you can even make up a job for me...I'm just looking for feedback here...
Some considerations:
Monastery, becoming a man of the land.
Farmer
Baker
Chef
Church Music Leader
Food Bank Staff
Youth Outreach Program Guy
Youth Minister
Commando
Photographer
Professional Google Find Guy
Car Salesman
Real Estate Agent
Dog Whisperer
Janitor
School Para or Assistant
Horticulture
Whole Foods Market Employee
Landscaper
That's the list...amazing right...let the tide roll in.
Some considerations:
Monastery, becoming a man of the land.
Farmer
Baker
Chef
Church Music Leader
Food Bank Staff
Youth Outreach Program Guy
Youth Minister
Commando
Photographer
Professional Google Find Guy
Car Salesman
Real Estate Agent
Dog Whisperer
Janitor
School Para or Assistant
Horticulture
Whole Foods Market Employee
Landscaper
That's the list...amazing right...let the tide roll in.
Fun to learn...
Many people have been asking the incredibly pervasive question...'what are you doing with your time since your unemployed?' At first glance, a fair and honest question...perhaps a stark reminder of my current state of affairs. Unemployed. Am I truly classified as that...such a bright future as I walked down the aisle at Lincoln Christian College...truly, unemployed had never entered even the outer reaches of my vocabulary. I had always envisioned it so much differently.
I realize I am in a difficult field. People. Ministry to people. A degree in ministry some say to be a gift, and I thought so as well...but at this particular juncture it is proving to be more of a bump in the road. Why the struggle? Aren't all churches the same? Can't you just go out and get a job at any church with any staff in any location around the Cities? If only it were that easy.
You see, I'm not a tradesman. I have no 'skills'. I have two arms, two legs, charming whit, a restless heart and the ability to waste endless amounts of time dreaming. I can join no union, enter into no technological field and lack many elementary business skills. So, what's a guy to do...what else but document his relentless search for work and the ideas that come in and out of the head as the day passes. This is it, the adventure of one man and his dog...staying at home honing his domestic abilities and looking for work.
I realize I am in a difficult field. People. Ministry to people. A degree in ministry some say to be a gift, and I thought so as well...but at this particular juncture it is proving to be more of a bump in the road. Why the struggle? Aren't all churches the same? Can't you just go out and get a job at any church with any staff in any location around the Cities? If only it were that easy.
You see, I'm not a tradesman. I have no 'skills'. I have two arms, two legs, charming whit, a restless heart and the ability to waste endless amounts of time dreaming. I can join no union, enter into no technological field and lack many elementary business skills. So, what's a guy to do...what else but document his relentless search for work and the ideas that come in and out of the head as the day passes. This is it, the adventure of one man and his dog...staying at home honing his domestic abilities and looking for work.
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